lotto dreams

So when I win the lottery tonight- all 184 million dollars of course- I need to have a plan.
I want to give.
I want to put together a place where veterans have a roof over their heads, therapy and training and support,
I want to fund the teens going to Ireland and Costa Rica and Mexico.
I want to be a blessing. Random things just appear to those who need it. A Jack in the Box ministry.
I want a tea house. A place that can be whimsy and fun and a private party venue that's classy but not stuffy. I want the Girl Scouts to be able to meet there and the red hat society ladies and bridge club.

I'd like a house of my own. A newer car. Financial freedom
I want not to want. I want not to Feel trapped and desperate.
I would like to feel free and in charge.

Just some days.

Another night where I did something wrong...another day I wasn't good enough. One more time I'm lacking. Not sure what, but holy hell, I feel like a piece of shit. I could go over every tiny minute detail....
And obsess over where I misstepped or what I said wrong. What I didn't do. What a failure I am. Bad wife. Bad mother. Bad person, selfish person. Lazy person. Drama person.

That just hurts. It burns my heart. I try so hard. It hurts to feel.
 I want to feel nothing. I want to just cease.
I am so hurt and can't seem to do good. My heart just aches and hurts. So damn tired. So damn tired.

Great day at work. Good afternoon with the children. Fun and simple dinner with kids. Nice last minute invite to book club with friends from church. Good things. Good things good things positive and happy things. Things and times and people worth living for. Keep on living. Keep on. You can do this. Just keep on. Shake it off. Hold it in.
These days aren't every day. Just some days. The days I'm not good enough.

Duck, Duck, Duck, STEW!

The Hubster made this amazing stew :)

I believe we bought a D'Artangan organic/free range duck.
You'll need the basics; parsley, thyme, sage, garlic, onion, leek, carrot, celery. Use these to make a batch of mirepoix and a bouquet garni.
You can use any type of sausage, spicy with fennel, Bob Evans breakfast, mild Italian. Whatever floats your boat.
Grab some port wine (we used Fonseca porto BIN 27 from Portugal) sugar and dried cherries.
About 4 cups of chicken stock (just enough to cover the meat in the pot)
1. Debone your duck, stuff the legs with your sausage of choice, tie it up and salt n pepper.
2. Take about a quarter pound of dried cherries, 2 cups of port wine and a little bit of sugar (maybe 2-3 TBSP) and let sit until step 4.
3. Sautee up some mirepoix, and in a separate pan sear up that butchered duck.

4. With a bouquet garni, chicken stock and macerated cherries, add it all in a dutch oven and let it roll.

The longer it simmers, the more the breast meats fall apart. I'd say 1.5 hours at the least.

Fresh crunchy bread, spaetzle or mashed taters as your carb.

Adventures in leftovers...

Delicious Leftovers!

 In an attempt to break the monotony of roast chicken leftovers, I concocted a casserole parmigiana cheezy marinara macaroni type thing.









Step One: Prep work. I smashed a garlic clove, buttered my casserole dish and stuck it in a 350* oven for 5 minutes. I think it added a little Gahlicky zihng.

Step two:
More prep, shred chicken and mozzerella.
 Cook up your noodles, break out the ricotta.
We had to defrost the home made sauce.
 (You could open a jar)

                                                                                                                       

Layer and layer ricotta, noodles, mozz, sauce, salt, pepper

Just keep layering! Mozz on top.

In a 350* oven for 20 minutes.  Voilà! It was pretty amazing,  even for leftovers!

Test of Pictures on Blogspot.

 Mary's 5th Birthday Party Pictures.

We went to Never Say Never Ranch and had a great time!

Checking out the petting zoo

Waiting around for the pony to arrive.